Just in case you where wondering

Top 10 Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend

Written by: Nichole Sweeting

September 24, 2008
Filed Under Relationships http://www.catalogs.com/info/bestof/top-10-signs-of-a-controlling-boyfriend

Tags: controlling boyfriend

All you need is love. Unfortunately, love is not everything to some people. They need more. The world we live in may be a reason to become paranoid of strangers, and suspicious of our own family, at times. However, when you are in a relationship, those feelings should subside. For some, the fears go away without a second thought. For others, it is hard to trust. That is the main reason a boyfriend can become a controlling nightmare.

It is hard to pinpoint the answer to why this behavior exists, but, if you feel as if you are being controlled, being able to identify the behavior is your first step to freedom.

10. Always By Your Side

If you are in a relationship where it seems that you have no time to yourself, chances are you have a controlling boyfriend. He never wants you to go anywhere without him. There is no more “girls night out” for you and your friends, unless he is with you. Doesn’t sound like a good time.

9. Do What He Likes

When you do go out, it is to an event that HE chooses. You may not feel like going to a movie, but it is what he wants to do, for example. Also, his turning down an offer to do what you would like is a key sign that he is not flexible. It often leaves the impression that he does not care about your interests. He may, or may not, but he is not supportive either way.

8. Do Things For Him

“Honey, go pick up some soda for me.” sounds like a genuine request for assistance. If your boyfriend is constantly asking you to run errands, without including you as the benefactor, this is another sign of the need to feel in control. Instead of “…pick up some soda for me.”, the request should be, “We’re out of soda. Can you go pick some up, please?”. Can you see the difference? WE are in need of soda, simply.

7. No Manners

In the previous example, the “please” was left out intentionally. Your boyfriend will not be polite. He will not say “thank you”, “you’re welcome”, “please” or even “excuse me” to you. It is because he is expecting you to comply with his requests. He also feels as if you should be thanking him for allowing you to do things for him.

6. Questions, Questions

When you can finally break through the chains, and find some free time for yourself, be prepared: your controlling boyfriend will interrogate you when you return. Putting himself in a “father figure” position will install more of a sense of control. Treating you like a child that went to the mall, prior to doing her homework, is the kind of humiliation in you he is trying to achieve.

5. No Questions, No Answers

Unlike the aforementioned subject, your boyfriend will come and go as he pleases, without answering to anyone – especially to you. If you try to question his whereabouts or activities, he will become defensive. The subject will immediately transfer from your asking, “where were you?” to his comeback remark about how you nag him too much, or something similar to that effect. He will ignore answering the question, and make you feel guilty for asking it. This is in hope that you will not do it again.

4. He’s Always Right

In an argument with a controlling personality, it is very difficult for him to accept defeat. The controlling boyfriend will get more defensive, change the subject, or bring up a past occurrence, when he was, indeed, correct, in order to prove his point with the issue at hand. He may not always be right, completely, but he is never wrong.

3. Can’t Buy Me Love

Fools gold has been around for centuries. However, a fool AND his gold have special meaning to the controlling boyfriend. He will buy you nice jewelry, take you to expensive restaurants and maybe even offer to pay a debt of yours. He will say it is because he loves you. Not true. He needs to feel superior to you. You now owe him, in his mind. Who is the fool? To him, you are.

2. You’re Worthless

Belittling your self-confidence can be have very serious consequences. Making you feel as if you are worthless without him, the controlling boyfriend will prey on times that you may be stressed the most. If you have just lost a job, or if you are experiencing normal hormonal reactions, this is the time he will strike. He wants you to feel as if life is not worth living without him. It’s hard to believe, but his confidence level is actually lower than yours.

1. No Means No

This is the most upsetting trait that a controlling boyfriend can display. If he forces you to do things, against your will, he is not in love with you. Whether it is going to a baseball game, when you hate outdoor stadiums, or, even more harsh an act, makes you perform sexually against your will, he is NOT in love with you. Not showing you the courtesy to respect your wishes is not a behavior that goes away. This will continue as an abusive relationship, where you will be treated as an object, instead of a person.
In conclusion, we all need to feel love in our lives. We all can find love in so many people that are in our lives already. Make sure you listen to the advice of your family and friends. They know you best, and care about you more than the rude, violent, controlling boyfriend that buys you the same cheap flowers after an altercation. You should always remember to respect yourself, and not be fooled into believing that you are any less of a person than anyone else. Put yourself on a pedestal, and never let any boyfriend make you feel as if you don’t belong there.

(83 votes, avg: 3.75 / 5)

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Grief the Great Destroyer

 Grief the Great Destroyer

 

I believe through experience I have learned that grief could be one of the most powerful and destructive emotions. Grief is so complicated and takes us on a journey through every imaginable emotion. It insights anger, fear, carelessness, depression, hatred, sadness, and confusion just to name a few.

It can take a terrible tole on an otherwise strong family, sending everyone in different directions looking for some way to deal with the pain. Now compound that  feeling several times when a family loses eight people in about a year and a half. So many tragedies back to back and no answers on how to move forward because just when you think you are making progress someone else dies.

This is a scenario that is real to me because it has happened in my family. What once was a family filled with joy and happiness has dwindled to a family of stress and confusion with everyone dealing in their own way and no real progress just good cover ups.

Struggling to deal with everyday life when somewhere buried in our heads there is emptiness and feeling of loss so great that it ends up affecting our decision making and our bond as a family. Everyone thinking that nobody else really knows how they feel because everyone feels just a little different.

Stepping back just for a second you can see the pain and the hurt in someone else’s eyes and want so badly to help but how do you help when you yourself can’t quite figure out how to deal with it.

You can see what others can’t see and they can see about you things you are unable to see but as a family unit you have fallen apart. Sometimes just because you don’t want to burden anyone else with your issues knowing they have their own to deal with and other times just because you don’t think they get it.

Reality has changed and for each of the family members there is a sense of destructive behavior just at the brink waiting to take them down. After all why care about anything when nothing seems to matter except the horrible events that won’t go away.

An outsider looking into this can see much more and it saddens them to see what once was the family to be and now is the family that once was. How do you put back something that was stripped away in a split second and without notice taken to a faraway place? How do you put back the peace and happiness and strength that was stolen from this family and begin forming that bond again?

No matter how much love you have for one another there has been so much loss that the love seems to be sitting on the back shelf. One step forward and ten steps back seems to be the moves being made. With so many unanswered questions and a loss of answers will things ever be even close to what was.

To everyone who has ever had a loss in their lives I hope that someday you will be able to reach out to each other and hang on to what you still have and learn to let go of the pain to remember all the good memories and fun times you had with those who are no longer here. I hope that those bonds that once got you through the tough times begin to form again and the loneliness that you feel will be filled with all the love that still surrounds you. God bless those in troubled times.

 

 

Drowning in the Consequences of My Mistakes

Drowning in the Consequences of My Mistakes

 

Why is it that just when life is supposed to be getting easier it seems to be getting more and more complicated?

It seems that no matter how hard we try life just won’t give us a break.

I once believed that if I corrected my mistakes that life would just get better but as more time passes I see more evidence of my failures.

I gradually picked myself up only to have my past knock me down over and over again. As though I never made amends or said I was sorry the mistakes I have made seem to live on in my children.

My life should be filled with joy of my accomplishments but instead my accomplishments seem to be disappearing on a daily basis.

I am constantly reminded that I can’t blame myself for everything and simultaneously reminded that I am to blame for so much.

If I could only grasp and hold onto that initial strength that once got me through the hardest times in life than maybe I could see light at the end of the tunnel, but for some reason I just can’t seem to hold on to any kind of hope and the darkness seems to come creeping back in time and again.

I seriously want to enjoy life more and start living for myself but it seems that every time I try someone else needs something more than I have to give.

I feel like I have paid my dues and have earned some me time but somewhere along the way I became the go to, got to fix it and punching bag for the most important people in my life. I don’t want to be that person any more. I just want to be the person who you want to hang out with.

I set myself up for complete isolation and it is starting to suck.

 

Anxiety

Anxiety is more common than people realize.

Any one could suffer from this dissorder.

It can be verry detrimental to you without the right help.

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Thank God for True Friends

Thank God for True Friends

 

You know the kind of friend that will drop what they are doing just to come wallow in your misery with you even though they have they own troubles and heartache to deal with.

The friend that no matter what has your back and gets you even when everyone else thinks you are crazy.

A friend that would give you the time of day to vent and be completely selfish just to try and cheer you up.

The kind and gentle heart that even though you are down in the dumps and not very good company will stay by your side and listen even when there is no real solution to your dilemma.

The kind of friend that instead of pretending like it’s going to be o.k. will tell you they don’t have any advice but will sympathize with you any way.

Sometimes it just feels good for someone to understand that you yourself don’t understand. Someone who gets that nothing makes sense and your mind isn’t quite right.

A friend that needs you and you need them if nothing else just to be with for a day to remember you’re not alone in the world and somebody does care without judging.

We often forget how to be that kind of friend to others and I thank God that he has giving me a friend like that cause without at least one person who understands how the world would I get through all of this confusing and unexplainable pain.

Two people who find it hard to smile or laugh but when we get together we don’t have to put on a fake smile or pretend we can just be sad and its o.k. Now pressure to get on with it , or get over it, or suck it up, just be together and feel for each other and each others own distress.

I thank you Patti for being this friend. Love Ya

 

 

And it Begins

Oh my word I am so exited. This is what I saw when I opened my e-mails this morning.Tate Publishing Welcome to Copyediting.
It finally has started my book is on its way. I really didn't feel like this was happening untill this morning. I don't know wether to cry or laugh. Goodness gracias great balls of fire. I don't know wha to do. The funny thing is I don't have to do anything right now I have editors for that. Oh. my gosh I will actually be seeing a sample of my book by next month. Stay tuned for more to come. and one again thank you to those who have sapported me. Love you all.

What Once Was and What is to Come

What Once Was and What is to Come

 

As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I examine the shell of a life that was once filled with love and joy and dreams for the future.

Now, alone and desolate, knowing that this part of life is supposed to be a happy time, I can’t seem to force a smile or stop wondering what now.

The things that gave me the most happiness in the world are moving on and I am left to figure out what else there is.

Life has thrown so many punches that somewhere along the way I have become numb and yet filled with a pain that will not retreat.

I want nothing more than to look forward to something instead of looking back for those happy memories. I want to look forward to getting out of bed instead of dreading what I won’t have in my day.

I would love to smile naturally instead of smiling for the sake of others.

I’m not naive I know this is just some stupid phase of life I’m going through but it feels like a phase that will last forever. I can’t seem to get my mind out of this mood.

With so much stress on everyone else’s plate the last thing anyone needs is my strange and unusual attitude. Not that I have anyone who would understand. More than likely they would misunderstand what I was saying and that would cause more heartache that I don’t need.

This is just so hard to explain. I miss the things that I took for granted. The laughter the constant noise, the feeling of being needed every second. Now I feel like I could disappear and no one would notice.

I have so much to be grateful for and I am, but there is so much that I miss that if overshadows everything else.

There is an odd emptiness and distance that I can’t seem to bridge. I fear what I will become without what I know and I wonder if what I know will become useless.

I often think that I have created such a mess and I deserve this but it seems like there should be some sort of time frame for paying for you mistakes. If I could take back so many decisions I would but we all know we can’t fix the past.

I am grasping at every bit of strength I have just to get through each day. All I can hope for is a better day tomorrow.

I know I’m not the only one who has or is feeling like this so I guess I need to suck it up, but easier said than done.