In the Dog House?

In The Dog House?

 

This story always makes me smile.

Years ago my husband and I bought an old run down house, actually a condemned house. We decided to fix it up, so we move an eight foot cab over camper onto the property and began demolition. We plugged along a little at a time because we had no money. My husband continued to work and when we got paid we would buy a few two by fours or a couple of sheets of sheet rock. We worked on this project for about nine months. Not only was the house condemned but the yard was overtaken with trees garbage and brayer bushes. Needless to say we didn’t have a kitchen we cooked on a George Forman and barbeque.

Well one summer day my stepson little Danny (RIP) the girls and I decided that we wanted to go out for dinner. We knew it was payday and we devised this plan. We were going to work real hard in the yard and surprise my husband when he got home. We were brown nosing for a hamburger, pathetic huh.

Any ways we were all exited, and we got our work gloves on. I even let the kids use sharp objects to cut down the brayers. It started out good. I went to my spot and little Danny, Cindy, and Chelsea headed across the yard. I could hear them laughing and bickering but for the most part they worked hard for that hamburger.

Every once in a while they would all disappear into the camper to get something to drink. It took a long time to get that soda or juice or whatever.

Then about three hours into it I turned around and the girls where right behind me. I asked “where’s your brother?” They were like “I don’t know problem in the house.” So we went looking. There was no way we were going to do all the work and let him eat a hamburger too.

We searched the camper and the house with no sign of him. We looked around the house but no Danny. I actually started to worry. I was thinking how am I going to explain losing a kid. Then the girls were like “hey where’s the dog.” I was thinking maybe he took the dog and ran away so he wouldn’t have to work.

Nope. When we got to looking over by the doghouse we could see the dog chain going into the doghouse. We walked over and looked in. There was the dog sleeping like a baby, oh and little Danny curled up next to him snoring. We all started laughing and then beat on the sides of the dog house to scare the crap out of him. We laughed so hard when he came out. Then he said “you’re not going to tell dad that I fell asleep, are you, I want to have a hamburger too. LOL ha ha ha

I told him no but I couldn’t resist telling him later. I still smile remembering him all curled up with the dog in the middle of a hot day sleeping like a baby. I miss you Little Danny

A Little Advice to Daughters from Mothers

A Little Advice to Daughters from Mothers

 

Always talk to God and listen to his advice. His advice is better than anything I got.

Never let anyone change who you are or what you stand for. After all you are who God created so love yourself enough to be you.

Never forget where you came from. You could surround yourself with a thousand people and none of them will love you like your family does.

Don’t let your heart deceive you. Sometimes the heart will blind you from seeing the truth.

Work hard at your dreams and let no one stand in your way. After all without dreams life can be boring.

Never let a man control you. Control equals mistrust and love cannot grow unless there is trust.

Never let a man hit you. Love does not hurt. If he hits you once hell hit you again and he won’t stop until he either kills your spirit or you!

Learn from your mistakes, and yes you will make some, always move forward and leave the past where it belongs.

Stand up for what you believe in never settle for somebody else’s ideas and decisions. That’s why we all have our own thoughts so that we can use our own brain. Don’t let it fall asleep we achieve so much more when we stretch ourselves.

Be a leader in life and love. Know what you want and what is right; make it happen, nobody else can do it for you.

Never pick your nose or a wedge in public. I promise someone will see.

Keep your house clean cause if you don’t your guaranteed to get unexpected company; mom and dad or your in-laws.

Don’t have children until you have finished your own growing and have had enough rest. They will exhaust you for the rest of your life.

Do for others but not too much. It’s ok to say no. No is not a bad thing, but always saying yes can be.

Keep balance in your life. Never work too much that you ware yourself out, but work enough that you can have things you want and do things you enjoy.

Never pass up an opportunity to better yourself, whether that is in your career or your personal life.

Don’t forget about yourself. Do something just for you regularly. You deserve it, and if you don’t one day you will wish you had.

Be sweet and kind and funny but always remember that sometimes you will have to be hard and tough and serious. That’s ok.

Love the people who deserve your love and leave those who do not. Never let your love be one sided cause you will be hurt along the way.

Never think you know it all. You will never know it all and sometimes you will have to ask for help. Keep an open mind and be willing to learn from others.

Probably one of the most important things I can tell you is stay away from drugs and alcohol. You can wipe out all of anyone’s advice if you get tangle up in that stuff. Nothing looks the same from behind a bottle or pipe. You will lose all control of your life and who wants to be controlled by anyone or anything. Life happens so fast that at the snap of your fingers you could be looking back saying where did my life go. Stay clear headed and life is a lot easier to handle when it throws its curve balls, and it will!!!!!

There are too many things to write down but there is a really good book on life and the best advice any person could ever get. It is called the Holy Bible.  Even if you’re not a church goer you can still look for the answers to your questions in it.

 

 

Never Prepared For Them to Leave

 Never Prepared For Them to Leave

I sit here tonight with a gut full of loneliness and a heart full of concern

We spend twenty years raising them never really thinking about the day they leave

Even in the best of circumstances the reality of a child starting out on their own is scary

When push comes to shove and tough love has to be practiced and decisions have to be made

The worry is overwhelming and the what if’s drive you nuts

Although you know it is time, you find yourself wanting them to be children if only for another day

You find yourself going over all the things you have taught them and convincing yourself they listened

Hoping and praying that you have done enough and that they will never forget

Always wanting what’s best for them but knowing that they will have to learn the same way we did, on their own.

No matter what we tell our selves when this day comes it will be the hardest day yet

To my children I love you and no matter where you are you are always in your mother and fathers heart and that door you will walk through is always open when you need us.

I believe this song goes both ways for my husband and myself. I love Danny Forever and Forever.

A Barrel of Sh**, We All Have one.

A Barrel of Sh**, We All Have one.

 

You know what I’m talking about, that barrel that has been passed down from generation to generation.

Everyone’s barrel is filled up with different Sh**, it may be filled with greed, selfishness, anger, abuse, addiction, neglect, immorality, disrespect, judgment, prejudice, alcoholism, etc.…

You hope by the time you receive the barrel you have learned enough to leave it nailed shut but so often that is not the case.

I managed to keep the lid on my barrel for many years but out of nowhere temptation got the best of me and I opened up my barrel to take a peek.

In a split second I tripped and fell in head first. I stayed in that barrel for years so silently that no one could hear me crying. Finally when I had enough I began to scream out for help and to my surprise God and my Family came running and pulled me out.

They held on so tight that I had a fighting chance at putting the lid back on for good.

Unfortunately I have regrets that I did not get that lid on fast enough or tight enough to prevent my children from looking inside.

Now that I have seen the inside of that barrel I cry for my children who are curious and naive.

My husband and I have anchored ourselves to the Lord and he hangs on to us tight as we stretch out our hands to pull them out. We know he will not let go and we will never give up. With all our prayers we know someday when they are ready they reach up and take our hands. We also know that it is completely up to them but our hands will always be waiting to give them a pull up and hopefully we will be able to completely destroy that barrel so that it will never get passed down again.

 

 

Michael Jackson - Man In The Mirror (Official Video)

Rascal Flatts - I Won't Let Go

Sara Evans - A Little Bit Stronger

Alabama - Angels Among Us

Rascal Flatts - Changed

Heres just a little look into me.

Let’s Play, Follow or Leader

Let’s Play, Follow or Leader

                                                  

I am sad to say that many of us play the follower in life. I am no exception to that. There was a time in my life that it was so much easier to follow than to lead. My experiences showed me the truth about following, there is no reward in standing behind someone else and no pride in using their decisions as an excuse to let go of our own beliefs and dreams.

So many young people find their hearts so in (love) and yet the love returned is damaging, and not in their interests at all. After all if you love someone wouldn’t you want what was best for them? Wouldn’t you think of their health and happiness before your own?

Shouldn’t you be willing to walk away rather than to watch them give up on their own dreams? I believe love would inspire you to lead those who are going in the wrong direction. How good will you feel later in life if you didn’t do everything you could to help those you love succeed in life, even if that means making sacrifices along the way.

The older I get the closer I pay attention to the younger generation and today it seems that the idea of being in love is actually more prevalent than true love. I find young people saying I love you after one or two dates. Understanding true love seems to be something you find in our generation. I’m sure our parents were saying the same thing and our kids will say it too their kids but it is really hard when you are close to someone who is following someone else just for the sake of saying “ I love you.”

I know love is a life lesson and can only be learned through experience and I know that some of those experiences are going to leave broken hearts and broken promises but I hope that at some point people stop and look real hard at their own situation and ask, is this person really thinking about me? Am I really thinking about me? Would I be doing the things I’m doing if I wasn’t listening to someone else? If I truly love this person isn’t in their best interest to stay strong and true to myself? Would they still love me if I was leading my own life instead of following theirs?

It reminds me of playing follow the leader in elementary school. Did you ever notice that if the leader was doing something that the others didn’t want someone else would step up and say O.K. now I am the leader and the whole group would follow the new leader leaving the first one behind to do their own thing? Sooner or later that first leader would be at the end of the line following along too.

I think love works a little like that instead of following someone else in the wrong direction try leading them in the right direction and more than likely they will be following step for step. If not maybe it wasn’t real love?

 

 

Fathers Raising Daughters

 Fathers Raising Daughters

 

The moment a father holds his baby girls he grows into a man. He leaves his childish nature and he knows when he looks into their eyes he is their everything. He realizes that from here on out he has to be their protector, their role model, and their friend.

He discovers for the first time how important he is and how much his decisions will count for something. Sleepless nights become an honor. Snotty noses, smelly diapers, and tossed up food are just a few cherished moments that someday will be missed.

Endless tea parties, fort building days, and countless fashion shows will make him smile as he reminisces later in life. Every day he looks forward to returning home just to see them run out the door smiling and yelling daddy, than giving him the biggest hugs ever. He knows that feeling of true unconditional love goes both ways.

As he watches them play he dreams big dreams for them and knows he would give anything in the world to make them come true for his little girls. He spends countless hours thinking and planning and hoping for the day that they have everything he wants for them.

He guides them and teaches them everything from how to act like a lady to how to fix a car. He eventually teaches them how to be tom boys, how to spit, curse, and tell jokes, which he will someday kick himself for, but for now he is proud that they look up to him so much.

Daddy’s little girls grow up in a split second and he prays that he has taught them as much as he could. He fights letting go and swears he never will. He shifts gears to keep up with his girls becoming ladies.

Just when he though the sleepless night where over, he realizes that those nights will never end. He now worries about what hold the world will have on his girls. He finds it harder and harder to have and influence on them. Now all those memories of his little girls are more important than ever.

He laughs and cries and tries harder than ever to spend as much time as he can with them, knowing that the inevitable is coming. Boys! He knows that no boy will ever be good enough for his perfect little angles. He dreads the day he has to turn over his place to a young man who has a piece of their hearts. He hopes that they will find someone who will respect, honor, and protect them the way he has. He worries that they will lose sight of their dreams and focus on someone else’s dreams.

He grabs ahold of his wife and asks” how do I let go, they have been my whole life”. He wants to fix everything and yet he knows it is no longer his place. He knows in his heart that they will always be his little girls but soon they will be in somebody else’s heart too.

To all the daughters grab ahold of your dads and let them know that you listened and thank them for being hard on you. Tell them you understand and you will never forget the most important man in your life will always be the man who looked into your eyes the day you came into this world and became the best man you have ever known.

Dads let your daughters know that you will always be there and someday you will learn to let go, a little.

In need of a little Sanity/Insanity

In need of a little Sanity/Insanity

 

Every once in a while I feel the need for a little sanity, my sort of sanity borderlines on insanity

I get the urge to get in a car and drive for hours just to be on the move to break the monotony of the usual day. I don’t need to be going anywhere just going.

Maybe I will fix my hair but not just style it I think I will rat it out like when I was younger. Use a can of hairspray and see if I can create a helmet.

 I should get on a motorcycle and ride through the woods I’ll make sure to keep my mouth open and catch as many bugs as possible.

Later I can call up some friends and have a good old fashion woods party sitting around the fire having a few beers until one of the guys decide to climb a tree or build a fort.

I guess a good old fashion trip to the fairgrounds needs to happen. Spend all our money trying to win a stupid stuffed animal only to leave with a balloon instead. Then well have to ride all the rides especially the ones that will make us sick because someone has to puke or were not doing something right.

Going to the lake has to be on my list. Of course we have to get there at eight in the morning so that we get the best spot and make sure that we have the only shade at the lake. All the girls will lie in the sun while the boys try to figure out who’s going to dunk who when we finally get in the water.

Eventually we should go to a rod show. We’ll make sure that our two hundred dollar car is parked right next to the coolest car there so we can get as much attention. Of course we will be just as proud of our hoopty as the guy next door.

Don’t worry we will defiantly go off-roading. Probably in a two wheel drive and we will be the proudest ever when we get it stuck up to the doors. No matter someone will come along and pull us out while telling us “what the heck were you thinking”.

I think we should probably stop the local superstore and walk around harassing the workers with jokes and playful tossing of toilet paper across the isles. We’ll make a few laugh and a few will be glad to see us leave.

We can’t forget to get something to eat only to have an impromptu food fight break out and get in a little trouble with the workers, well with the ones who don’t join in.

By now we should be ready to make our way to somebodies house so we can play the music really loud and annoy all our neighbors. We will end up getting hungry and making a huge mess in the kitchen but we won’t care until tomorrow.

Sounds insane but these where some good memories from our younger years.  I am not condoning or recommending any of these things for anyone else to do. (Just having a little fun writing.)

Hidden Pain

Hidden Pain

 

A child so full of pain functioning as though nothing is wrong; She’s not quite sure what to do with it, so she hides it deep in her soul and never acknowledges it.

Growing and learning with a nagging feeling that there is something wrong with her, so different than others she knows that it will probably too hard to explain so she buries it deeper and forgets about it.

The pain fades but never leaves until she hardly recognizes it and life goes on.

As her world grows with a family of her own her focus pushes the pain so far into her mind that she figures it has left. With every part of her body and mind she convinces herself that everything is going to be o.k..

She talks about everything to anyone who will listen, except that faint sense that it is coming around again.

She works harder than ever to ignore it but sooner than later she will be smacked right in the face so hard that her head will become overwhelmed and her life she has created will be at risk.

Finally she realizes that she has to do something, a drink, a pill, a substance, something to make it go away. It works and she continues on like nothing has changed. She is a pro by now at hiding things so her family never notices.

What she doesn’t realize is now the pain is fighting hard to get out. Her solution is a problem that only she knows needs fixing. She knows she needs to STOP! How do you ask for help without risking everything? It doesn’t matter now is the time!

Thank God for being there. Thank God for the strength he gave her and her family. Thank God for her life!

Now there is nowhere to hide. The pain is out and it is stronger than ever. Her fight is just starting. She has to battle the same pain that has taken most of her life away and now she fights with a weaker mind and body. She becomes confused and scared and unstable yet she knows it is now or never!

Even with the biggest fight of her life ahead that hidden pain is out and that weight she has carried her whole life has been lifted. Her guilt and remorse from her decisions will eventually go away and her head will finally clear. Oh what a feeling.

Life looks a whole lot better even through the darkest moments when all she wants is to disappear into that painless place she once lived she now has the light and hope of the Lord leading her path and she never feels alone.

Her dreams have resurfaced and her family can finally get to know her. She no longer has to hide who she is or what she wants. She can only ask for their forgiveness and love along this long and bumpy road she has left to travel. It will not be easy but it will be for her soul to heal and her heart to mend and the rest of her life will be filled with joy and love that was lost for so long. Tomorrow may bring pain and fear and many tears but no longer will it be hidden, from here forward she faces it head on.

 

Exhaustion

Exhaustion

A man who has worked his whole life to provide for his family only to lose everything with one sentence, “We are closing the business”.  Leaving him exhausted.

A woman who has spent her whole life raising her children to one day wake up alone in an empty house with all her hard work just hopes and dreams but no guarantee they listened, leaving her exhausted.

A child who struggles every day to survive her parents abuse watching wondering if it well ever get better. Going to bed exhausted every night from fear.

A lady in the nursing home trying to remember faces and names or where she is, finding the exhaustion too much and wishing it were over.

A parent watching their children travel in circles making right hand turns when the left is where they should be traveling, finding it impossible to sleep knowing they can’t make the turn for them. Exhaustion is how the morning begins.

A man on the corner standing with a sign for hours in hopes of a hot meal or a bed to sleep in, too exhausted to stand and walk for a handful of change.

A family suffering grief and the loss of loved ones, drained from the thoughts of, would have, could have, and should have, exhausting all their energy to love again afraid to lose again.

A world growing tired and week from all the bad, looking for a break in the curse too exhausted to make a small change let alone a hard change.

A husband and wife fighting the same fight so long that the fight seems to be winning both wanting the same end result too exhausted to see the solution.

A doctor working days on end in an emergency room full of gunshot wounds, abused women and children, drinking and driving victims and a never ending supply of hurt and pain, Exhausted to the bone  seeing no end in sight drained of emotion and hope for change.

A minister preaching the message, finding the audience getting smaller and smaller, exhausting all of his faith and words never giving up, filled with energy from above but fatigued and worn out.

As humans we find ourselves getting tired and frail. We are exhausted and depleted. Often feeling consumed and out of energy. It doesn’t matter if you are young or old, man or woman, mother of father, husband or wife, parent or child or all alone. This world is wearing us out. I find my strengths and energy is completely dependent on my faith and belief that it will get better. On those days when I don’t feel like I can function I turn to my hopes and dreams and remember that no matter how tough and worn out I am all I have to do is ask God for a hand and he will be there.

 

 

Remembering our World

Remembering our World

As parents we often have that same old conversation of how the world is so different than when we grew up. We remember what the world looked like as children and then talk about what the world looks like to our children. My husband and I just had this conversation this morning and here is what we talked about.

When we were children it didn’t matter how messed up your family was there was still a sense of family pride. We always got together, even if it was just to see who was going to be the first to get drunk and act stupid. When there was someone in need the whole family rallied, even if they bitched and complained about it, they always stepped up to the plate and bailed each other out. Mothers and daughters would spend hours talking on the phone, just to stay part of each other’s lives and Fathers and sons got together to go fishing or hunting, just to continue family traditions. Brothers and sisters had each other’s backs, even if they were fighting among themselves, besides family could say whatever they wanted to each other but don’t you dare say something if you’re not family. Kids always respected their parents, even when their parents were acting like jackasses. You always knew they deserved a certain amount of respect just for putting up with us acting like jackasses.

In today’s world it seems like the only family gatherings that exist are when there is a death in the family of when someone gets married. Special occasions such as Christmas or birthdays can get families together but what happened to a good old fashion barbeque just because. I find more and more people saying “ I don’t want to hear about your problems because it puts too much stress on us” and “ you got yourself into this mess you get yourself out of it”. Mothers and daughters rarely talk anymore and most of the time it’s not a good old fashion phone call but a text message or an e-mail. Fathers and sons have forgotten about tradition and spend more time disagreeing about who is right or who is wrong. Brothers and sisters move on with their lives and seclude each other and than when they do try to talk nobody knows what to say. They let all the little differences and arguments from the past separate them, and their families never get to know each other. Cousins don’t hang out any more and half the time doesn’t know each other. Children have very little respect for their parents. They often have an attitude that because parents make mistakes that gives them the right to hold it against them for as long as they want. Respect has a new meaning these days more often than not people say it but never show it.

The world we grew up in was full of neighbors helping neighbors and strangers helping strangers. A man’s word meant something and if someone did you wrong you chalked it up to lesson learned. You didn’t stop living because life happened; you worked even harder than before to make it right. People in general were eager to lend a helping hand and grateful when someone leant it back. We were thankful for what we had and were happy for those who had more.

Today neighbors usually don’t know one another and helping a stranger is out of the question. The trust we once had is gone. Instead of a man’s word we have to get contracts and lawyers and have credit checks and background checks. If someone does us wrong we take them to court or stop doing business with them. People will still lend a helping hand if there is something in it for them. People have forgotten what it means to just be thankful and just appreciate the good in their lives. They often focus more on what’s not right.

Remember when you would turn on the television and watch a good old fashion sitcom with the family. Now days we turn on the television to a reality TV show, mostly focused on how drunk you can get or how many people you can sleep with.

I also remember having dinner with the family and catching up on the day’s latest gossip. Now when we sit down at the dinner table, which isn’t very often, we spend the whole time replying to texts or e-mails that just can’t wait. Usually they look like this: Hey, What’s up?, What are you doing?, or Guess What?, . Yea dinners have changed.

I know I’m speaking in general, not everybody has lost touch with reality, but sometimes it feels like it.

There’s much more I could say but I’m done for now.