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With sixty years of pain and hurt showing in every wrinkle on her face
A woman who has battled her demons with great success
Only to have God turn the tables once again

A woman with great strength and courage brought to her knees once again
The loss of a loved one and the looming loss of another so close together
Her demons are back and winning crushing her spirit all over again

Beauty all around her but invisible covered with darkness and pain
An inspiration to her daughters, granddaughters, and great granddaughters
All of them sick with sorrow for they miss her smile and hope and encouragement that is no longer there

The love of many men have destroyed her in the past and now the love she craved is destroying her again
She can't see past the pain and value the treasures in front of her.
Hiding and running as she has so many times before

So many fear there is not any more fight left in her and her loss will be there loss as well
Giving too much power to the hurt and pain leaving her lost and alone
What we would do to have her back with us again.

Too many times we have seen her pain and too many times we are unable to help
Love is never enough to pull her up and out of her misery
God is her only answer and she has lost her faith and is angry that she is loosing so much at once



Oh how we pray for that strong loving woman who taught us to keep going no matter how hard it is
We pray for peace and faith to re enter her heart and let her live instead of dying with those she has lost or will loose

Do something for yourself

It's funny how life can get in the way of doing the things we love to do.

Whether it is good things or bad things happening we often stray away from what we enjoy doing.

I have spent many years trying to figure out something that I enjoy doing (other than being a wife and Mother) and now that I have found something Life just keeps getting in the way.

With a desire to write in my soul my fingers never seem to find the keyboard anymore.

I value every part of my life but I miss the idea of being semi good at something that is all mine

I dread every time I have an idea but don't have the time to put it to paper.

I usually find myself trying desperately to remember what I wanted to write and only get frustrated to the point of saying forget it. Or more likely I actually forget what I was going to write.

So often when I do have time to sit I just stare at the computer going well maybe tomorrow

I wish I could be more disciplined and give my self permission to just do something for me.

With so much of my focus and energy on everyone else I am sorta lonely for more of me to come out.

I cherish my life and the people in it and will always put them first but hopefully someday I will learn to add a little me time.

Until then I will continue to write when I can.

Its Official, Just call me Granny

I have witnessed the most beautiful miracle of my life. My Granddaughter is finally here. I am so proud of all my girls. One more tough girl to ad to the family. I thank God for everyone's safety and good health. Chelsea you have a beautiful daughter and you are truly blessed. Cindy you are an awesome sister and aunt. I couldn't have got through this without the strength you girls have. I love you all with all my heart. It is official I am now Granny.

The Calm Before The Storm

My mouth is shut my brain is brewing my heart is hurting.
I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to see anyone.
My heart has been hurt and my brain and heart are battling.

I feel a storm brewing deep down in my gut
Feelings, thoughts, ideas, memories, and pain
Turning in my body like a tornado ready to strike

Using every ounce of strength to calm the storm before damage accrues
This one is on me to stop before I lash out in retaliation
I know better but it seems I have to fight this storm to the end

Alone in my battle and no one to turn to
Feelings of being dispensable, easily thrown away
No way to explain how my nightmares tear at my heart
All the skills to battle my own torment , just out of reach

My anxiety eating at my body
Shaking, aching, pounding at my muscles
So not fair, Why now, Why me, Why?

It amazes me that any little hurt drags all my hurt to the surface
I want control, I want peace, I want to fight back
I can't fight back now I would just lash out and hurt someone
Nobody deserves this horrible illness,

I grab a hold of God , Today I need his strength and patience and kindness
Just another day in the life of my mind.

Event Update

Book Event Update:
Due to some miss-communication it seems that the event scheduled for January 18th at Orca Books in Olympia wa will be postponed. Please stay tuned for any further notifications. It amazes me how life just keeps happening and getting in the way. I am confident that we will be working out a new date soon but until then I have to let you all know not to show up on the 18th of January I will not be there. I appreciate all who are standing beside me and I am sorry for the inconvenience this is causing. I am still exited to do my first signing but it will have to wait for now.
I want to say thank you to Larry at Orca for working with me through this unfortunate situation.
I will post the new date as soon as I have it worked out.
Thank you again everybody.

Post Trauma Book Trailer

Renata Kell, "Post Trauma" at Orca Books | Jack Seattle's Latest Events Events - Events « Jack Seattle FM

Renata Kell, "Post Trauma" at Orca Books | Jack Seattle's Latest Events Events - Events « Jack Seattle FM