Our Children’s Lost Trust
Years ago I sat through a sentencing hearing of a man who was convicted of first degree rape of a child for the second time against his own children. As I listened to the judge speek to the man something she said stood out above everything else. She told the man that she was giving him the maximum sentence that she could not only based on the brutal and devastating physical harm that he had done but more horrifying than that was the loss of trust he had created in his own children. I don’t remember much more of that day but those words have always stuck in my mind, so today I write based on her words.
Of course this is an absolutely worst case scenario of losing our children’s trust but how many other ways can we lose our children’s trust.
Our children often stop trusting us when we take away their security and feeling of safety. Whether we fight physically or verbally in front of them that feeling of a safe place can be lost so easily.
Our children rely on us always being there for them and so often one or both parents abandon their own children either by physically leaving or mentally ignoring their needs for their own personal agenda.
Our children look up to us as role models and depend on us to set the boundaries of right and wrong but as adults we forget they are watching and immerse ourselves in a world of drugs and alcohol.
Our children look to us to understand the meaning of love and yet many parents idea of love means loving many partners like a revolving door taking away all sense of stability from their children.
Our children want nothing more than our approval and too many times we set our expectations and standards so high that they never reach that feeling of approval.
Our children believe in us and what we say and all too frequently discover that we are hypocrites preaching one thing and doing another.
Our children find peace in being able to come to us but how often do we turn our backs on them when we do not approve of their choices leaving then no place to go when life gets too tough.
Now let’s pretend that we do not fit in to any of these categories. What about the loss of trust they get from the world around us.
Our children see the world as a scary and mistrusting place with the news splashing teachers, preachers, police officers, government officials and even some of our presidents who have lied, hurt, stolen, or even killed.
Our children can no longer feel safe in malls, schools or churches with people barging in and taking so many innocent lives.
Our children’s trust can crumble from something as uncontrollable as the unexpected death of a loved one. We don’t always have the answers to the question” Why?” How do they trust something they don’t understand?
More often than we can count everything our children learn has some kind of impact on their trust.
As the first victim of the man described above, I can honestly say life is a whole lot harder when trusting people does not come easy.
As a mother who has broken my children’s trust a time or two, I can honestly say it does change their outlook on life and it does affect their ability to make good decisions.
