all the familiar faces and the hugs and encouraging words are awesome. I feel loved and know people care but unfortunately each time I have to tell the story the pain hits me all over again like it just happened. I love everyone who is helping me and telling me it will get better. You are all so dear to me. I know that in time it will get easier but at this moment the pain in my heart is so intense and my heart still bleeds for lost love. It is so unreal and so stupid that my mind is constantly fighting the truth. I wanna believe that this is just a horrible nightmare that I will wake up from and my family will still be together and my husband will still love me. What a slap in the face each and every time reality sinks in. Forever, that's what was supposed to happen. Now 22 years of my life has disappeared and I am utterly alone, even with people all around all the time. I know that there is a reason for everything and God is taking care of me but the love I have for my husband is still in my heart and that makes the pain so much more. I know I will survive just like I have my whole life but I wish I didn't have to survive this one. This is the saddest thing I have ever had to get a grip on. How do you love someone with all your heart unconditionally and than find out they don't love you back. How do you move on and move forward when you never wanted this. This lesson in life is one I never wanted to learn. My faith in God and all my friends and family is what is holding me up right now. My heart actually breaks for my husband and it don't matter what he has done or what he has chosen. I will live with the decision but will never understand it.
I will always have love in my heart for the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
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