Having a little fun marketing my book.

Forgiveness is not a Magic answer for pain

I have been through this in my mind several times.
In life we get hurt and we have to learn to forgive. Forgiveness is essential to healing.
Forgiveness allows us to shed the baggage of hate, anger, and humiliation that comes with someone hurting us.
It allows us to take a good look at the circumstances and see the other side of things.
Forgiveness allows us to make things right with God and our own soul.
Forgiveness is also one of the hardest things to comprehend and allow ourselves to do.

Forgiveness does not magically take away hurt and pain and memories of being hurt.
Forgiveness does not allow us to continue to live in the past.
Forgiveness does not allow us to hang on to the idea of wanting that person or people  to hurt the same.
Forgiveness will not make everything all better.
Forgiveness is hard work and working out issues on your own without throwing it in their face.
Forgiveness is working on your own pain all by yourself and living with your choice to forgive.
Forgiveness is not always understood by others and sometimes even angers others.
Forgiveness is sometimes more for the benefit of the people who have done you wrong.

It will not take away the memories, It will not take away the trust issues, It will not give you instant peace.

It will free up so much energy spent on hate, revenge, hurt, and all the other baggage that comes with being hurt.
It will leave room in your heart to continue to love the way God wants us too and create a place in your heart for healing and understanding.

I know in my heart that I have had to forgive a lot of people including myself for many things and I know that without forgiveness I would not be able to find healing. I also know that what is left behind is the hurt that I now have to sort through all on my own. I find that someday s are better than others and I will always come out ahead if I continue to forgive those who have wronged me in someway. I refuse to let all the mean things in my past control my future.

Forgiveness is not a Magic answer for pain, but it is the beginning to healing.

A piece out of my book- Here is something you don't know.

I wrote this piece in one of the darkest places of my life. At this point my recovery from pain pills and my mental issues came crashing together making life extremely difficult. The guilt and pain I was feeling and the confusion that was wrapping around my heart was tearing me to pieces. I began to believe with all my heart that one of two things was going to happen, either I was going to die, or I was going to end up in a padded room somewhere. I even began to have dreams of my family trying to wake me up and I wouldn't wake up. I would also dream that I was sitting in a room with my family and I didn't recognize any of them. I knew that I needed to write something to my family just in case but I wasn't sure what to say. I was weak in mind and body. So I wrote this piece.

After writing this I reread it and started crying. I started yelling at myself saying "what are you doing" "your giving up" "your not a quieter and never have been" Your family deserves more from you" "get it together, YOU ARE A SURVIVOR and A FIGHTER. As you read my book you will see that God gave me a new path and a shining light and my writing started to slowly get more positive.

                                              If Today Was My Last Day

If today was my last day, what would I say?
I would say thank you to all who have supported, 
loved and accepted me for me.
I would say thank you to all those who
doubted, mistreated and hurt me.
For all those who did right by me, you taught me
how to love unconditionally
For all those who have done me wrong, 
You taught me how to forgive
If today was my last day, I would tell you how 
my dreams as a child all came true
I dreamed of a loving husband and got one.
I dreamed of daughters and got two beautiful
loving daughters
I dreamed of angels and have had a guardian angel 
since I was born
If today was my last day, 
I would praise the lord for the strength, compassion 
and determination that he gave me. I would not be
who I am, had he not wakded with me my whole life
If today was my last day
I might tell you I always wanted to see Paris,
just to feel glamorous for a day
If today was my last day
I would also tell yo I was smart enough to do
anything I wanted in life, and I did
If today was my last day
I would want to be with all those who loved me
and laugh for the rest of  my life. I would bet that
Danny would lead us in a round of jokes
If today was my last day
I'd probably say" I told you so" for all the times I was right 
but nobody listened. Yea I would defiantly say" I told you so"
If today  was my last day
I would pray to God to watch out for you now, so I can
retire to heaven. I'm going to wait for each and every 
one of you at the gates. I know we will meet again
If today was my last day
I would hope that somebody learned something from
my story. I know God had his purpose for me and I'll
find out when I meet him what that purpose was
If today was my last day
I would ask you to miss me but know that
I will always be with you
Love Renata

These words still haunt me. I am so glad that these where not my last words.
Thank you God for rescuing me again.

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The devils playground

Just recently I was put in a position where the pain and hurt all around me was so strong that without all the angels around me and the ones I love the devil would have prevailed.
My husband said it the best way possible, it felt like we were stepping onto the devils playground.
I would like to say that the pain was just pain from the loss the people where feeling, but the devil was confusing all who where hurting with pain from the past, regrets, and guilt.
Just when someone was about to loose all control out of nowhere an angel would step in and intervene.
A stranger or a pamphlet would land in the lap of that person and straighten out their thoughts.
Some unexpected christian music or a long talk about God and Heaven, would ease some of the pain.
I never thought in a million years that I would witness such a battle between good and evil.
I am so proud to say that at the end of the day God won.

I am witness to all that the devil is always ready to pounce, When the hurt is the worst and people are the weakest he steps in and looks for a target.
Thank God we had the prayers and angels protecting us or we might have found ourselves falling for the evil tricks and thoughts that the devil was placing in everyone heart and head.

I know it is hard to understand without any details but I feel that giving out the details would be giving power to the evil one.

I am going to give power to the Lord for sending his army of angels to protect us.

In Loving Memory of Linda Adams - Cone

Linda left us on August 5, 2013 to live in her beautiful garden in heaven. 
A loving mother and a giver up until her last breath.
More concerned with making sure her children would be ok than anything else
Reassuring them until the end that she was going to be ok. 
A woman described as having the biggest heart and the brightest smile.
A woman of strength and integrity.
The most amazing woman I have ever known.
She spent all of her last days comforting her children and wishing them well.
She loved her grandchildren and loved her animals.
No words can describe the loss we feel not having her with us.
The only comfort to us is she will spend eternity with no pain, no stress, and no worries.
As an angel she will watch over her loved ones and speak to their hearts when they need her.
She will spend her days by Gods side and probably giving him pointers.
Linda you will forever be missed and forever be remembered.

My Book is available and scheduled to be released on October 22.

http://www.tatepublish
ing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781628542837

Be one of the first to read my book.

My Book is Done

This post goes out to all those who have been supporting me and encouraging me throughout this whole journey.
My book is done and available through my publisher
 Tate Publishing http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore

Just type in my name Renata Kell and you will have the first look at what I have been working on.

I will not be releasing the book for about ninety days but it is officially available to order through my publishers only.

I will begin the public marketing in a couple weeks, if all goes well. I will continue to update any events and any stories that go along with my experiences that are sure to be exciting and overwhelming at times.

Thank you to all who have believed in me an supported my dream. I hope you all enjoy what I have written.
But most of all I hope that someone out there will read this book and relate. Maybe it will help someone else to realize they are not alone in there struggles with pain pill addiction, child hood abuse, mental issues such as PTSD or anxiety. Even grieving can be an ordeal in life that we sometimes need help with.

It could happen to anyone and it all can be fixed.