I'm not even sure how to start this post but I have been giving some thought to something that someone said to me the other day.
To start out I will give you my belief on something. I believe that we can change ourselves an our lives in many ways. We can change our job, our hobbies, our behavior, our friends and even our spouses. We can change how we look at life an how we respond to different life experiences. We can change our looks, our houses, our cars, and any other materiel things. I believe that this is true because I have made many of these changes myself.
What I have not changed is where my heart is . My heart has always been my heart and when I say my heart is true I mean it. I believe that your heart doesn't change. We may think it does or give credit to our heart changing when there is no other explanation for what we are feeling.
The reason I bring this up is after having a conversation with someone who is near and dear to my heart I feel somewhat sad.
It started out as a simple compliment that got my head spinning. I have told this person that a song on the radio reminds me of them. A strong about being strong and good and loving. When this song came on the radio this person turned and looked at me with a sadness that cut deep in my heart. They replied "this song makes me want to cry" When I asked them why they said "that used to be me but I feel like I have let everybody down" I am not that person anymore."
I couldn't respond but since have thought about this and I found myself angry at myself for not having the words right then to say.
If I where to believe that because someone makes a mistake or hurts people from those mistakes that there heart had changed than I would have to question all the years I have known this person. I would have to wonder if everything I knew was a lie or I just didn't know them at all. I would have to take a look at myself and wonder if I was someone else because of my mistakes. I would have to take all the good away and replace it with just that one mistake.
I know that being lost is the hardest thing in the world to feel. I know that owning up to things you have done is just as hard but I also know that making a mistake doesn't change a persons heart. When you are a good person it shows and when you are a person with a heart of gold people stand up and help you find your path. Your brain will deceive your heart when your insides are confused and hurt. I know this person and know they are good and loved and full of love to share. I know they are lost and confused but they always come back to that person that I know and love.
I refuse to believe that they are any different today than when I first met them. Even if this person begged me to believe they weren't the same I would not believe it for a second.
Life can change all it wants to but when your heart is true it is always true.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Post Trauma- My first Press Release
The Chronicle News Paper Lewis County- October 29,2013
Rochester Author Shares PTSD, Addiction, Abuse Experiences In New Book
Rochester author Renata Kell earlier this month announced the nationwide release of her new autobiographical book, "Post Trauma".
In the book, Kell, a certified nursing assistant, describes how she overcame years of emotional turmoil.
"Post Trauma' follows the first two years of Kell's unknowingly becoming addicted to prescription pain pills. When she reveals this to her family and begins to process of getting clean, her family endures several tragic deaths," Tate publishing and Enterprises said in a news release. "Suffering through physical an mental withdrawals, Kell was unable to be supportive and ha to rely on her family when they needed her most.
According to the publisher, the author reveals her struggles with addiction, a mental breakdown, PTSD an the aftermath of "severe physical and sexual childhood abuse"
This tremendous story of faith reminds readers of the need to lean on one another and accept the changes in their lives" according to the press release. "What could have turned out to be a tragic scenario has become an inspiring tale of a family full of love an determination to save each other"
The book is available through bookstores nationwide, from the publisher at www.tatepublishing.cvom/bookstore or by visiting barnesandnoble.com or amazon.com.
Rochester Author Shares PTSD, Addiction, Abuse Experiences In New Book
Rochester author Renata Kell earlier this month announced the nationwide release of her new autobiographical book, "Post Trauma".
In the book, Kell, a certified nursing assistant, describes how she overcame years of emotional turmoil.
"Post Trauma' follows the first two years of Kell's unknowingly becoming addicted to prescription pain pills. When she reveals this to her family and begins to process of getting clean, her family endures several tragic deaths," Tate publishing and Enterprises said in a news release. "Suffering through physical an mental withdrawals, Kell was unable to be supportive and ha to rely on her family when they needed her most.
According to the publisher, the author reveals her struggles with addiction, a mental breakdown, PTSD an the aftermath of "severe physical and sexual childhood abuse"
This tremendous story of faith reminds readers of the need to lean on one another and accept the changes in their lives" according to the press release. "What could have turned out to be a tragic scenario has become an inspiring tale of a family full of love an determination to save each other"
The book is available through bookstores nationwide, from the publisher at www.tatepublishing.cvom/bookstore or by visiting barnesandnoble.com or amazon.com.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
BOOK RELEASE TODAY: IF YOU EVER HAD A DREAM
AVAILABLE NOW AT
TATE PUBLISHING.COM
AMAZON.COM
BARNS AND NOBLE.COM
WITH MORE TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF YOU EVER HAD A DREAM AND YOU KNEW IT WOULD TAKE MORE THAN JUST YOURSELF TO ACCOMPLISH IT, THAN I APPEAL TO YOU TO SHARE THIS POST WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
I HAVE A DREAM AND WITHOUT MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND FANS MY DREAM COULD NOT BE A REALITY.
THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING SO TRUE TO ME AND MY FAMILY.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Now Barns and Noble
I can hardly believe what I am seeing.
First Amazon.com now
Barns and Noble.
I think God Loves me!!!!!!!!!
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/post-trauma-by-renata-kell?keyword=post+trauma+by+renata+kell&store=book
Sunday, October 20, 2013
From One Addict to Any One
From One Addict to Any One
When I told you I was an addict I was reaching out for help.
When I told you I was an addict, It gave you permission to
be angry, sad, hurt and confused.
When I told you I was sorry I hoped for the forgiveness that
I needed.
When I told you I was changing my life and I was making my
amends, I hoped you would learn from my mistakes.
When I told you I was an addict it didn't give you
permission to use me for an excuse.
When I told you I was an addict it didn't give you permission
to make the same mistakes I did.
When I told you I was an addict it was meant to help you not
harm you.
When I told you I was an addict it wasn't to give you
permission to throw it in my face whenever it hurts.
When I told you I was an addict it wasn't permission to
follow in my footsteps.
When I opened up my heart and my arms it was to help break
all those chains and set our family free.
When I opened my eyes I saw the hurt on your face and the
pain in your heart.
When I admitted my mistakes I witnessed your mistakes.
When I opened my ears I heard your cry for help.
When I try to help you push me away.
When I talk to you I can sense the hurt and pain you are
trying to cover, the same way I did.
When you are ready you will have me right here waiting.
Learn from what I have done, Don’t repeat what I have done.
You have too much to live for so why drown out life in a
haze.
Friday, October 18, 2013
How do you know when you finally find peace in your life?
Today I had a thought. How do you know when you finally find peace in your life?
As I sat here thinking about this question I came up with this.
You kinda know that you have peace when your world is not perfect. Things aren't going how you want them too and it feels like you have hit a brick wall.
When you are struggling in life with whatever comes your way, money, love, kids, or life in general.
When stress seems to be the only emotion that you feel and looking forward all you see is ?????
When it feels like you are stuck at the bottom of a barrel and no rope to climb with.
When all of this is going on in your life and the people in your life are having great success and you still have a smile on your face and joy in your heart for those who are deserving of good things, then you can truly say you have peace with yourself.
Our nature to be jealous or question " why not me" only creep in when you haven't found your peace and thankfulness for what you have.
It is much easier to look at those who are having good things happen and feel jealousy or envy or even anger but when you finally wake up and realize the important things in your life and that God has his own time for everything you can be so happy for others and for yourself.
Enjoying every minute of life with all those in your life is so much more rewarding than feeling sorry for yourself. Besides why feel sorry for yourself when you have family, love, and God. What more could you possibly need.
Material things are just that and those things come and go.
So the next time someone around you finds good fortune and your fortune still hasn't arrived try to be happy for those who God feels deserves it. I guarantee you will be a little more at peace.
As I sat here thinking about this question I came up with this.
You kinda know that you have peace when your world is not perfect. Things aren't going how you want them too and it feels like you have hit a brick wall.
When you are struggling in life with whatever comes your way, money, love, kids, or life in general.
When stress seems to be the only emotion that you feel and looking forward all you see is ?????
When it feels like you are stuck at the bottom of a barrel and no rope to climb with.
When all of this is going on in your life and the people in your life are having great success and you still have a smile on your face and joy in your heart for those who are deserving of good things, then you can truly say you have peace with yourself.
Our nature to be jealous or question " why not me" only creep in when you haven't found your peace and thankfulness for what you have.
It is much easier to look at those who are having good things happen and feel jealousy or envy or even anger but when you finally wake up and realize the important things in your life and that God has his own time for everything you can be so happy for others and for yourself.
Enjoying every minute of life with all those in your life is so much more rewarding than feeling sorry for yourself. Besides why feel sorry for yourself when you have family, love, and God. What more could you possibly need.
Material things are just that and those things come and go.
So the next time someone around you finds good fortune and your fortune still hasn't arrived try to be happy for those who God feels deserves it. I guarantee you will be a little more at peace.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER QUITE, NEVER SAY NEVER
Today has been an unusual day. My whole body is feeling excitement and nervousness.
You see the way this works is I am completely in the dark about how my book is doing. I will not receive any kind of status information until two to three weeks after the release date. I am hoping for the best and more than anything just so dang grateful that I finally set out to do something and finished it.
My whole life I have said I was going to tell my story someday and finally did. I had no idea that it would be this story that I told, but I knew that I would have to someday just do it.
Now that it is done and I have sent it out into the world for other people to see I find myself getting a little nervous.
How will people receive this book. Will I truly make a difference in someone else life. Is it possible that this is what God had planned all along.
So many things are cruising through my head but in all its a good feeling.
I think it is so important to tell people that if you want it bad enough never give up. This is still a shock to most of my family and friends and myself. I will forever be grateful to all who have followed me on this journey and pushed me even when my own doubts would get in the way.
NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER QUITE, NEVER SAY NEVER
Life has a funny way of working out the way it is supposed to.
You see the way this works is I am completely in the dark about how my book is doing. I will not receive any kind of status information until two to three weeks after the release date. I am hoping for the best and more than anything just so dang grateful that I finally set out to do something and finished it.
My whole life I have said I was going to tell my story someday and finally did. I had no idea that it would be this story that I told, but I knew that I would have to someday just do it.
Now that it is done and I have sent it out into the world for other people to see I find myself getting a little nervous.
How will people receive this book. Will I truly make a difference in someone else life. Is it possible that this is what God had planned all along.
So many things are cruising through my head but in all its a good feeling.
I think it is so important to tell people that if you want it bad enough never give up. This is still a shock to most of my family and friends and myself. I will forever be grateful to all who have followed me on this journey and pushed me even when my own doubts would get in the way.
NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER QUITE, NEVER SAY NEVER
Life has a funny way of working out the way it is supposed to.
Amazon.com, Really!!!!!!!
Amazon.com, Really!!!!!!!
I have been patiently waiting for my release date on October 22,2013 when I decided to see if there was any release information about my book and this is what I found. Amazon has already been selling my book and there is only two copies left.
I am so grateful and exited and kinda in shock.
What a feeling to know that all your hard work is finally seeing results.
Thank you to all who have supported and encouraged me. This is Awesome.
I have been patiently waiting for my release date on October 22,2013 when I decided to see if there was any release information about my book and this is what I found. Amazon has already been selling my book and there is only two copies left.
I am so grateful and exited and kinda in shock.
What a feeling to know that all your hard work is finally seeing results.
Thank you to all who have supported and encouraged me. This is Awesome.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Oh my word. This is where my home town used to be.
http://montesanotoday.com/2013/09/28/travel-advisory-aberdeen-washington/
← The Drug Dealer Next Door Big storm coming today Sunday Sept. 29th 2013 →
Travel Advisory – Aberdeen Washington
28
SEP
Unknown-1Montesano Today is forced to issue the following travel advisory for travel in and around the Aberdeen Washington area until further notice. As recently reported in the Aberdeen Daily World, the city parks are now completely unsafe for adults or children due to the hypodermic needles discarded by drug users.
Dismayed residents gathered before the deaf eared Aberdeen city council relating their concern that the recent push by police to move the vagrants, prostitutes, and drug users off the downtown streets has only moved them into the residential neighborhoods. And the problem is growing.
Frightened Aberdeen city residents are now arming themselves with handguns against the drug users and vagrants who are becoming more aggressive, as reported in the Daily World.
Repeated crime associated with the drug users and vagrants has made a trip into the Wal Mart shopping section hazardous. Travelers are advised to lock their doors and windows, especially women traveling alone, when exiting the shopping center as vagrants are pushing themselves into vehicles in attempts to demand and extort money.
Prostitutes and beggars wander the parking areas approaching people exiting their cars demanding money, Unknownreports of cars being keyed for not paying are common.
Avoid all ATM machines!
Many Montesano residents, myself included, do not let our wives and daughters shop in Aberdeen due to the threats to their safely without our accompaniment currently. Due to the continuing and increasing violence and threat that traveling through or shopping in the city creates, we advise joining Elma and start using the facilities available in Olympia.
Residents in Aberdeen continue to wonder why the situation is and has deteriorated to the point that many in the meeting with the City Council referenced “moving to Montesano” to get away from it. Unable to stop electing the same individuals to office, and expecting different results….. they seem perplexed. Unable to help themselves.
Montesano residents are advised to be on the look out for Aberdeen residents trying to escape.
_________________
UPDATE: Sept 30th 2013 Apparently it is getting worse. Now the vagrants are peering into windows. One of the reasons Aberdeen is in the state it is in was on the radio this morning claiming the solution is to keep an eye on them. Right Alice……congratulations on twenty years in the Aberdeen Council correcting the problem. You Aberdeen residents should return her to office this election…..I am sure she will do better now. Right. What a joke.
UPDATE: Oct 3rd 20123 – It got worse. In a failed attempt to justify the money their department receives, the0206dde54824ef5198fbd3ce422303cc director of Grays Harbor Public Health, Joan Brewster, released an op-ed today (DW this date) about the number of nice shinny new needles they trade out through her office into the community….and I quote” ”550,000 needles so far this year”. That’s right, your county government is putting out over a half million of them…well, more as it’s only October and the party season is coming up. My advise for traveling to Aberdeen….if you must.…watch where you step and don’t touch anything. Rather than address the problem, they are baking the drug users a cake…..expect more coming – Aberdeen has the welcome mat out. There are millions of needles around that place as a result of the city catering to them. As one reader wrote me, “we don’t need protection from the Aberdeen drug users, we need protection from the County Health Department”.
The county cares so much about these people they say they must help them with free needles. don’t die today….just die a little bit today….and some more tomorrow….here we will help you…… No one would treat an animal this way, yet – the City of Aberdeen does.
UPDATE 9 Oct 2013 - we have received so many letters from Montesano residents expressing similar concerns about shopping in Aberdeen due to the safety, that we are relating a public service announcement:
MONTESANO RESIDENTS SHOPPING CONVOY
Montesano residents that must visit the Wal Mart shopping area are advised that formal convoy for Saturday shopping trips will meet at the West freeway entrance in Montesano at 10:00am. The convoy will proceed to a secure parking area in Aberdeen where volunteers will watch the vehicles. Departure from the lot back to Montesano at 12 noon sharp. Those that miss the departure are advised to travel out of the parking lot with caution and proceed directly out of the city. Lock all windows and doors!
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← The Drug Dealer Next Door Big storm coming today Sunday Sept. 29th 2013 →
Travel Advisory – Aberdeen Washington
28
SEP
Unknown-1Montesano Today is forced to issue the following travel advisory for travel in and around the Aberdeen Washington area until further notice. As recently reported in the Aberdeen Daily World, the city parks are now completely unsafe for adults or children due to the hypodermic needles discarded by drug users.
Dismayed residents gathered before the deaf eared Aberdeen city council relating their concern that the recent push by police to move the vagrants, prostitutes, and drug users off the downtown streets has only moved them into the residential neighborhoods. And the problem is growing.
Frightened Aberdeen city residents are now arming themselves with handguns against the drug users and vagrants who are becoming more aggressive, as reported in the Daily World.
Repeated crime associated with the drug users and vagrants has made a trip into the Wal Mart shopping section hazardous. Travelers are advised to lock their doors and windows, especially women traveling alone, when exiting the shopping center as vagrants are pushing themselves into vehicles in attempts to demand and extort money.
Prostitutes and beggars wander the parking areas approaching people exiting their cars demanding money, Unknownreports of cars being keyed for not paying are common.
Avoid all ATM machines!
Many Montesano residents, myself included, do not let our wives and daughters shop in Aberdeen due to the threats to their safely without our accompaniment currently. Due to the continuing and increasing violence and threat that traveling through or shopping in the city creates, we advise joining Elma and start using the facilities available in Olympia.
Residents in Aberdeen continue to wonder why the situation is and has deteriorated to the point that many in the meeting with the City Council referenced “moving to Montesano” to get away from it. Unable to stop electing the same individuals to office, and expecting different results….. they seem perplexed. Unable to help themselves.
Montesano residents are advised to be on the look out for Aberdeen residents trying to escape.
_________________
UPDATE: Sept 30th 2013 Apparently it is getting worse. Now the vagrants are peering into windows. One of the reasons Aberdeen is in the state it is in was on the radio this morning claiming the solution is to keep an eye on them. Right Alice……congratulations on twenty years in the Aberdeen Council correcting the problem. You Aberdeen residents should return her to office this election…..I am sure she will do better now. Right. What a joke.
UPDATE: Oct 3rd 20123 – It got worse. In a failed attempt to justify the money their department receives, the0206dde54824ef5198fbd3ce422303cc director of Grays Harbor Public Health, Joan Brewster, released an op-ed today (DW this date) about the number of nice shinny new needles they trade out through her office into the community….and I quote” ”550,000 needles so far this year”. That’s right, your county government is putting out over a half million of them…well, more as it’s only October and the party season is coming up. My advise for traveling to Aberdeen….if you must.…watch where you step and don’t touch anything. Rather than address the problem, they are baking the drug users a cake…..expect more coming – Aberdeen has the welcome mat out. There are millions of needles around that place as a result of the city catering to them. As one reader wrote me, “we don’t need protection from the Aberdeen drug users, we need protection from the County Health Department”.
The county cares so much about these people they say they must help them with free needles. don’t die today….just die a little bit today….and some more tomorrow….here we will help you…… No one would treat an animal this way, yet – the City of Aberdeen does.
UPDATE 9 Oct 2013 - we have received so many letters from Montesano residents expressing similar concerns about shopping in Aberdeen due to the safety, that we are relating a public service announcement:
MONTESANO RESIDENTS SHOPPING CONVOY
Montesano residents that must visit the Wal Mart shopping area are advised that formal convoy for Saturday shopping trips will meet at the West freeway entrance in Montesano at 10:00am. The convoy will proceed to a secure parking area in Aberdeen where volunteers will watch the vehicles. Departure from the lot back to Montesano at 12 noon sharp. Those that miss the departure are advised to travel out of the parking lot with caution and proceed directly out of the city. Lock all windows and doors!
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Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Its all up to God now.
Somebody just recently asked me this question and I want to answer.
"How is it that you can share your deepest and darkest moments with the world"
Here is my answer.
I have lived in the past for way too long. I nearly let my past and my pain from the past destroy me. When I finally faced my mistakes as well as the hurt and pain I carried for all my life, I realized that I didn't have to carry this burden on my own. I simply asked God what to do and he led me down this path. I handed over my pain and hurt to him because he is much stronger and has way bigger shoulders than I do.
God brought me to my knees for a reason and when he helped me stand back up this is what came of it.
My thoughts on this is that telling the truth and letting the world in on my pain may be what I am supposed to do.
I have no shame and no regrets in sharing my story with anyone who wants to hear it. I only hope that when people read my book they look at me the same as they always have. I am the same person I have always been you just know a little more about me.
One thing that I have found interesting is that when I look at old pictures of me as a child : I see a happy little girl. Always smiling and looking for fun and laughter. I may have been sad and hurt but God kept a smile on my face and in my heart.
Don't think I am not extremely nervous about being in the public with all my business hanging out for people to see, but I am too grateful for all that has happened and all the people who have been there through all of this.
This is my life in a nutshell and even if I never told a soul it would still be my life.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You
Well today has been an exiting day. I have just begun to market my book on my own. I received a handful of books to distribute and get the word out.
I sat and stared at the books for about two weeks. I don't know why but I couldn't bring myself to hand them out. I think it is finally sinking in that all my hard work and stresses have finally become a reality.
So today I sold a few books to my neighbors and family members. I started off real hesitant but thanks to all the wonderful people in my life I began getting more and more confident.
By the end of it all I somehow gained enough courage to walk into a retail store and ask if I could hang up a flyer for people to see.
Once again God was leading me down his path. The lady that I spoke to just happened to be the person in charge of all the books and magazines.
She read the back of the book and insisted on having the information to order for her store.
What a heavenly honor to top off my day. All the nerves and shyness about my book is easing up and I am starting to get the hang of this stuff.
I will always be grateful to all of those who are taking the time to listen to me and letting me advertise in their stores and businesses. Without all those local venues supporting me it truly would be me verses the world.
I can's stress how unbelievable this feeling is. Knowing that I took a chance on something that I believed in and have sat back and just waited, and now it is all coming around to the release.
I am so exited to get feedback from my readers. I hope and pray that sharing my story will someone out there and I will be totally satisfied with that alone.
Thank You all who are buying my book and to all those who are spreading the word. You are really the reason this book will survive. Please feel free to let me know what you think . Even if you don't care for it. I am completely aware that not everyone will like my book but I still want to hear what you have to see.
Renata Kell- bangs on facebook. Just like my page and leave your comments. If you want.
Thank You All
I sat and stared at the books for about two weeks. I don't know why but I couldn't bring myself to hand them out. I think it is finally sinking in that all my hard work and stresses have finally become a reality.
So today I sold a few books to my neighbors and family members. I started off real hesitant but thanks to all the wonderful people in my life I began getting more and more confident.
By the end of it all I somehow gained enough courage to walk into a retail store and ask if I could hang up a flyer for people to see.
Once again God was leading me down his path. The lady that I spoke to just happened to be the person in charge of all the books and magazines.
She read the back of the book and insisted on having the information to order for her store.
What a heavenly honor to top off my day. All the nerves and shyness about my book is easing up and I am starting to get the hang of this stuff.
I will always be grateful to all of those who are taking the time to listen to me and letting me advertise in their stores and businesses. Without all those local venues supporting me it truly would be me verses the world.
I can's stress how unbelievable this feeling is. Knowing that I took a chance on something that I believed in and have sat back and just waited, and now it is all coming around to the release.
I am so exited to get feedback from my readers. I hope and pray that sharing my story will someone out there and I will be totally satisfied with that alone.
Thank You all who are buying my book and to all those who are spreading the word. You are really the reason this book will survive. Please feel free to let me know what you think . Even if you don't care for it. I am completely aware that not everyone will like my book but I still want to hear what you have to see.
Renata Kell- bangs on facebook. Just like my page and leave your comments. If you want.
Thank You All
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
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