Not quite as old as she feels, but not quite as young as she was

Not quite as old as she feels, but not quite as young as she was
Years of pain and struggles showing in her eyes
Her hair is turning gray
Her face is showing age
Her life is changing way too fast

She cherishes her memories of her youth
She curses the time wasted
She cries for her could have, would have, should have thoughts
She remembers why she is so blessed

The fight that once took her down is now a distant and fading pain
The battle goes on in her mind but effects her life less and less
With so much still left to do, she wonders if her energy will last

What wisdom will she pass on
Who will want to listen to her
Has she made an impact on life, or will her story be lost

She believes with all her heart
She prays with all her soul
She hangs on to her dreams

Yesterday is gone and tomorrow comes too fast
Her youth is gone but her spirit is strong
Her heart is full and her mind is slowing

With no regrets only hope for her children
She lives with new dreams
Not for herself
Dreams for her loved ones
Dreams for her girls

Today is here and tomorrow will be gone in a blink of an eye
Her story and strength, Her will to survive, Her loving heart and Her dreams for others
Will live on as long as she is remembered.

God has given her the greatest gift of all his love and the ability to love others with her whole heart.

For all those with youth on your side
Take a good look at the people who surround you
You might be surprised at who will offer you the advice you need.

Believe in God
Believe in Love
Believe in Yourself

Anything is possible

Wow- What a blow to my eago

The old saying " If it sounds too good to be true it probably is" has entered my life once again.

First bring my dreams crashing down and, then making more determined than ever to make it on my own.

Learning once again why I have a hard time trusting in good. Than realizing I will always believe in good things even when I get burned.

I believe that when someone takes advantage of me it is my job to overcome and prevail.

Yes I am referring to my book. Post Trauma: Facing my pain and Embracing Change.

Having no knowledge of being an author when this whole thing began I did what I though was a good investigation on my contract with my publisher.

Now with the help of some wonderful authors I have found out my resurch was not good enough.

I will be completely responsible for marketing my book and that will be a long road.

In spite of all this I have received some of the best feedback from these authors.

They have giving me some of the highest stars and told me a I was talented.

That's enough for me to continue fighting to reach out and spread the word about my book.

I believe I have something worth working hard for and in-spite of those who have sold me the moon and took it back I will never give up.

If anyone out there has ever been had I appreciate any help spreading the word about my book.

I will never give up.

Glass Breaks

I see you sitting high upon your glass pedestal

Looking at the world around you through tunnel vision eyes

Seeing only weakness, and mistakes of all others

Never giving credit to any other accomplishments

Never acknowledging their strengths

Pointing out all faults whenever possible

Never realizing that it is the strengths of others that hold you up on that glass pedestal

The strength to see past your weakness

The strength to look beyond your mistakes

The strength to love you in-spite of yourself

Not realizing if they walked away taking their strengths with them

You would come crumbling down from that glass pedestal

Left with nothing but your own reflection 

This is for my daughter and grand daughter

Mothers

I often wonder about those mothers you hear about in the news. You know the ones who have neglected or abused there own children. Or the ones who have abandoned a child for drugs or men who they love.

I have always assumed there must be an illness because no mother could knowingly harm a child unless there was an illness.


I find more assurance with the many stories I have heard over the years of women who will sacrifice everything for their children.

Stories of women who will work two jobs or go without new cloths for twenty years just to make sure their child has what they need.

Stories of mothers who would give up there family and friends and everything they knew to save a child from an abusive father.

Those stories that touch your heart and make your cry.

Some with happy endings and others leaving you wondering "where did she get the strength to fight to the end?"

I wonder about the difference in these women and what happened in there life to make them sacrifice anything including there lives just to save there children.

I wonder if they ever truly got the recognition or praise they deserve.

I find it hard to believe that you could ever feel anything other than true devotion to the greatest miracle god could ever grand you.

I know from being a mother that some things will never truly make sense to anyone but themselves. Some of the sacrifices you make for your children look different to those looking in.

They sometimes look like mistakes or stupidity. They sometimes look cruel and heartless.

What others won't ever see is the purity behind every mother in every decision she makes for her children.

Some will never see the grand plan behind the eyes, or the prayers said that help her everyday know that what she is doing is the best thing she can do at the time.

Most will never understand how many nights a mother spends wondering how she can do better. How many tears she will shed because she knows she will be the bad guy for many years.

I often wonder for these mothers if the true reward ever comes in there lifetime. Maybe they will only be rewarded when they walk through heavens gate to receive a hug from Jesus himself.

I admire mothers everywhere who will always but their children first, even when they have to sacrifice so much. Sometimes they even risk the one thing they don't ever want to loose, their own relationship with those children.

Its easier to be friends and never tell a child what they need to hear. Sometimes telling them what they need to hear will push them away, but never telling them will fill your hear with guilt and regrets.

I pray for all mother around the world who love with no exceptions and feel for their children but who will not have the answers all the time or for every situation. I pray for them to never give up and I pray for them to continue to love : even when it hurts.

Hope to see you there

I would like to invite you to some of the other sites I am currently on. I have even uploaded samples of my book to a few of them. I hope to see some of you there.

http://www.kindlemojo.com/members.php

http://www.freado.com/users/36709/renata-kell


http://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/RenataKell

http://authonomy.com/writing-community/profile/

http://authonomy.com/writing-community/profile


I know that many of you are already on these sights so I hope you will look me up.



For those who haven't been to my blog in a while I have included a sample of my book. It is located in a widget at the top left hand corner. I know some of you haven't had the chance to read any of it yet so I feel this is something I want to do. I'm sure my publishers would disagree with this but I am hoping it will be like watching the first part of a movie and you will want to know how the story ends. I could just be loosing my mind. Ha Ha.

Thank You

Just having a little fun with making my own publicity. I have to say that first quarter numbers came in and they where not what I expected. I was reminded of how much work I need to be doing to make this journey go the way I want it to. I sometimes forget that I need to be on this everyday. I often let life get in the way and stop working hard on what I started. I have to say a huge thank you to all those who have purchased my book and a bigger thank you to all those who are sharing it with others. You are the difference between getting the word out and staying unheard of. I love all of you and I look forward to any reviews that come my way. I have had a few and they have been encouraging. Thank You

The Oprah- Post Trauma by Renata Kell Campaign

http://myown.oprah.com/community/library/activity.html?entity_id=211106713


Even though you may think I am crazy I am so exited to have the Oprah magazine Ok a quote and the name of my book. I am asking my friends, family and fans to help a nobody like me reach Oprah.

The link above is where you can see my quote. I am also asking for people to share this and help me in a crazy unrealistic dream. If you find in your heart to help please E-mail Oprah with the name of my book and lets see if we can reach her.

This is fun for me and I hope you will join me in this journey of the impossible. It will not be possible without the support of all those who believe in anything being possible.

I may be a little crazy but I enjoy reaching out of my comfort level and 

Believing In God

Believing In Love

Believing In Myself

I Believe that anything is Possible

A Child Who Believes Can Make a Change

A child born into darkness and shadows
Surrounded by a protecting light
Unable to protect her body
The only thing protecting her heart and mind

A smile of amazing strength
A faith beyond anyone's understanding
A goal to change the world
A knowledge that someday she will be saved

Full of optimism she lives through the darkness and shadows
She conquers her fears and move on everyday
She finds the light to comfort her and believes in good
Finally she breaks away from the shadows and begins to shine

She lives as nothing has ever been wrong
She loves as though she has never been hurt
She gives what she knows and learns what she lacks
Pushing down the shadows to raise her family and change the world

Some time later the shadows find there way to the surface once again
She slides into the darkness for a brief minute
Her ideas of changing the world fade into her mind and heart
She looses her faith for a split second

Once again the light and hope find her and take her away form all that is wrong
She begins a new path and begins to have faith again
She has forgotten about changing thew world
She only focuses on changer her destiny

Once day without a thought in her head
She smiles so big and tears stream down her face
As she stares at her daughters and grand-daughter with love
She realizes she has changed the world in a small way

She has succeeded in making a difference and all is now right with the world again
She thanks God for providing the light she so desperately needed for all those years of darkness

It May Be Nothing To Some But it Is Very Cool To Me.

This Is how determined I am to share my story with the world. I decided to send a message to the president about my book and to my surprise I received a response. Now by no means is this an endorsement or even a  person response. This is just a generic letter probably written by a white house staff member who could care less who I am or what I am trying to do. But all be darn if I did't get a little exited just to get a response. I just want to say to all who are following this journey no matter how crazy everyone says I am I  have faith and will never stop going out on the limb just because I CAN. Post Trauma: Facing My Pain and Embracing Change It is worth reading.

Thank you for writing.  As so many Americans know, Post‑Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a pain like no other.  Those who are suffering deserve high-quality care and lasting support, and a country that walks with them on the journey to get well. Right now, too many people with PTSD are fighting their battle alone.  Millions of Americans are shouldering the burden of post-traumatic stress, and even more of us know someone who is struggling with it.  But even though we know that recovery is possible, there is still a stigma about seeking help.  So all too often, men and women are suffering in silence rather than reaching out. We see it in veterans who come home with the invisible wounds of war, but who feel somehow that getting treatment is a sign of weakness.  We see it in the tragic epidemic of suicide that leads too many veterans to take their own lives. To them, and to every American living with PTSD, our message must be absolutely clear:  if you are hurting, it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help.  It is a sign of strength.  And when you reach out, we will be there to lend a hand. Since I took office, we have poured tremendous resources into this fight.  We are hiring thousands more counselors and clinicians, and ramping up outreach so our veterans and troops know how to get the care they need.  We made it easier to qualify for veteran’s benefits if you have PTSD.  We are making big investments in research to prevent, diagnose, and treat mental health conditions like PTSD and traumatic brain injury. And whether you are a veteran or not, you have new options and new protections under the Affordable Care Act.  Thanks to the law, insurance companies can no longer deny coverage because of a pre‑existing condition, including PTSD.  More than 60 million people get expanded mental health and substance abuse benefits.  And if you do not already have health insurance, you can go online at www.HealthCare.gov, compare private insurance plans side-by-side, and buy quality, affordable health insurance that works for you. These are ways government can help men and women who are struggling with PTSD, and we are going to keep working to find more.  But it cannot stop there.  Communities can strengthen support for those who need it, including caregivers.  And more than anything, we can let people with PTSD know that they are not alone, and that help is out there. Thank you, again, for sharing your thoughts with me.  To learn more about our efforts to address PTSD, or how to get help, visitwww.MentalHealth.gov. Sincerely, Barack Obama

Come Back to Us

With sixty years of pain and hurt showing in every wrinkle on her face
A woman who has battled her demons with great success
Only to have God turn the tables once again

A woman with great strength and courage brought to her knees once again
The loss of a loved one and the looming loss of another so close together
Her demons are back and winning crushing her spirit all over again

Beauty all around her but invisible covered with darkness and pain
An inspiration to her daughters, granddaughters, and great granddaughters
All of them sick with sorrow for they miss her smile and hope and encouragement that is no longer there

The love of many men have destroyed her in the past and now the love she craved is destroying her again
She can't see past the pain and value the treasures in front of her.
Hiding and running as she has so many times before

So many fear there is not any more fight left in her and her loss will be there loss as well
Giving too much power to the hurt and pain leaving her lost and alone
What we would do to have her back with us again.

Too many times we have seen her pain and too many times we are unable to help
Love is never enough to pull her up and out of her misery
God is her only answer and she has lost her faith and is angry that she is loosing so much at once



Oh how we pray for that strong loving woman who taught us to keep going no matter how hard it is
We pray for peace and faith to re enter her heart and let her live instead of dying with those she has lost or will loose

Do something for yourself

It's funny how life can get in the way of doing the things we love to do.

Whether it is good things or bad things happening we often stray away from what we enjoy doing.

I have spent many years trying to figure out something that I enjoy doing (other than being a wife and Mother) and now that I have found something Life just keeps getting in the way.

With a desire to write in my soul my fingers never seem to find the keyboard anymore.

I value every part of my life but I miss the idea of being semi good at something that is all mine

I dread every time I have an idea but don't have the time to put it to paper.

I usually find myself trying desperately to remember what I wanted to write and only get frustrated to the point of saying forget it. Or more likely I actually forget what I was going to write.

So often when I do have time to sit I just stare at the computer going well maybe tomorrow

I wish I could be more disciplined and give my self permission to just do something for me.

With so much of my focus and energy on everyone else I am sorta lonely for more of me to come out.

I cherish my life and the people in it and will always put them first but hopefully someday I will learn to add a little me time.

Until then I will continue to write when I can.

Its Official, Just call me Granny

I have witnessed the most beautiful miracle of my life. My Granddaughter is finally here. I am so proud of all my girls. One more tough girl to ad to the family. I thank God for everyone's safety and good health. Chelsea you have a beautiful daughter and you are truly blessed. Cindy you are an awesome sister and aunt. I couldn't have got through this without the strength you girls have. I love you all with all my heart. It is official I am now Granny.

The Calm Before The Storm

My mouth is shut my brain is brewing my heart is hurting.
I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to see anyone.
My heart has been hurt and my brain and heart are battling.

I feel a storm brewing deep down in my gut
Feelings, thoughts, ideas, memories, and pain
Turning in my body like a tornado ready to strike

Using every ounce of strength to calm the storm before damage accrues
This one is on me to stop before I lash out in retaliation
I know better but it seems I have to fight this storm to the end

Alone in my battle and no one to turn to
Feelings of being dispensable, easily thrown away
No way to explain how my nightmares tear at my heart
All the skills to battle my own torment , just out of reach

My anxiety eating at my body
Shaking, aching, pounding at my muscles
So not fair, Why now, Why me, Why?

It amazes me that any little hurt drags all my hurt to the surface
I want control, I want peace, I want to fight back
I can't fight back now I would just lash out and hurt someone
Nobody deserves this horrible illness,

I grab a hold of God , Today I need his strength and patience and kindness
Just another day in the life of my mind.

Event Update

Book Event Update:
Due to some miss-communication it seems that the event scheduled for January 18th at Orca Books in Olympia wa will be postponed. Please stay tuned for any further notifications. It amazes me how life just keeps happening and getting in the way. I am confident that we will be working out a new date soon but until then I have to let you all know not to show up on the 18th of January I will not be there. I appreciate all who are standing beside me and I am sorry for the inconvenience this is causing. I am still exited to do my first signing but it will have to wait for now.
I want to say thank you to Larry at Orca for working with me through this unfortunate situation.
I will post the new date as soon as I have it worked out.
Thank you again everybody.

Post Trauma Book Trailer

Renata Kell, "Post Trauma" at Orca Books | Jack Seattle's Latest Events Events - Events « Jack Seattle FM

Renata Kell, "Post Trauma" at Orca Books | Jack Seattle's Latest Events Events - Events « Jack Seattle FM