The Calm Before The Storm

My mouth is shut my brain is brewing my heart is hurting.
I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to see anyone.
My heart has been hurt and my brain and heart are battling.

I feel a storm brewing deep down in my gut
Feelings, thoughts, ideas, memories, and pain
Turning in my body like a tornado ready to strike

Using every ounce of strength to calm the storm before damage accrues
This one is on me to stop before I lash out in retaliation
I know better but it seems I have to fight this storm to the end

Alone in my battle and no one to turn to
Feelings of being dispensable, easily thrown away
No way to explain how my nightmares tear at my heart
All the skills to battle my own torment , just out of reach

My anxiety eating at my body
Shaking, aching, pounding at my muscles
So not fair, Why now, Why me, Why?

It amazes me that any little hurt drags all my hurt to the surface
I want control, I want peace, I want to fight back
I can't fight back now I would just lash out and hurt someone
Nobody deserves this horrible illness,

I grab a hold of God , Today I need his strength and patience and kindness
Just another day in the life of my mind.